"Thank you Mr. Turkey, or were you a chick? no pun intended.."

I loved flesh.... lots of it. I use to eat chicken wings by the dozen, sometimes two dozen... Make them spicy and crispy, and PLEASE give me extra hot sauce. I wanted my wings to be so spicy that the only relief would be an ice cold beer that I could submerse my lips into... and then wash down the burn that was being spread throughout my stomach, creating heartburn with precious hop and barley bliss.

Steak? Why yes! May I have drawn butter with that? Perhaps some blue cheese? Then give me a glass of scotch that I might sip as I embrace those tender strands of flesh.

Pork? SURE! I really dug it with sauerkraut, some mashed potatoes.. and green beans... **shudder""... Good Ole' Pennsylvania delight.

Turkey? Heck yea! That was always my "go-to", when I was feeling "healthy". It not only made for one amazing Thanksgiving meal, but pair it with a left-over biscuit and some mayonnaise, and I was thrilled.

So, there I was Colleen... the girl that dug meat, loved animals... and hated hunters. hmmm.... One day, I had the honor of traveling to one of the most pristine places left in the world.. Guyana. Guyana was a dream come true. Thousands of acres of primary rain forest, beautiful indigenous people with rich culture and traditions. I had begun to scale back my meat consumption a bit prior to the trip simply because I was struggling with my own moral and ethical views of eating meat. I lived down at the Lake and watched the algal blooms every summer from the cattle farm run-off, and I began realizing that we were wasting so many of our earths natural resources on eating MEAT! On Christmas day in Guyana, the village slaughtered a cow for us to feast upon, I witnessed some of the bleeding and pain that was endured and I could not eat any meat that night.. two days later, I got out of my tent in the morning and heard the crying sounds of a cow being slaughtered. This time I saw it, the animal was being dismembered while still alive.. they needed to keep the flesh as fresh as possible since we were on the equator, which meant if the heart could keep beating the flies would not land so quickly. The animal screamed until it finally dropped.

Now, I must say... the villagers did nothing barbaric, they prayed and thanked the animal, they fed their entire village, and the only way to save all of the meat was to cut and salt as fast as they could. That day will always be frozen in my memory. I decided that day, I lived in America.. Food was abundant, and flesh was a luxury.. one I could do without. So I began my life as a vegetarian rather abruptly.. No meat, never again. Meat is murder.. and on my bandwagon I went.

The vegetarian label became my identity. I held Strong for nearly eight years. I went vegetarian two years prior for about two years also. This time, it was for real... no going back. Then my sweet father had open heart surgery, and I was diagnosed with an Auto-immune disorder, all the more reason to go veg. I farmed an acre and a half of organic produce.. then got even more sick and needed brain surgery... still staying veg...

About two years ago, I decided to introduce scallops into my diet, I justified that they were like a mushroom of the sea... I had my strength back up to work out and wanted to continue road biking and running, so my body was craving more protein- and no amount of edamame that I could grow and eat, or Vega shake worked for me. I would eat the veg meal and still remain hungry.
I finally broke entirely and watched a fish get caught, gutted, and prepared, and decided.. ok.. time to eat fish.. my body needs it.. I was 112 pounds, with a whirling metabolism, and although my body was looking buff at points, I felt fatigued and weak.

Recently I fell ill, this time I could not seem to snap out of it. Despite all efforts, I felt weak. My muscles had constant spasms, I could not regain muscle control of my legs, dizziness took over, and nutrients left my body as quickly as they went in..I was back to 113 pounds, and frustrated. I was getting sick again, and this time... I knew I needed to go back.

It was a funny day, I sat in the parking lot of the health food store with a death grip on an organic turkey wrap with fresh avocado, veggies, some killer cheese, and a fabulous spread. My sweet husband shared my tears as he felt my sadness that I needed to eat more protein. We both cried about it. Finally I apologized to the turkey, I apologized for our society, I apologized for giving in. Then I found peace in knowing (after making three mobile support shout outs), that my turkey was raised humanely and with care given towards the environment. Then I did it, I bit the wrap and sobbed like a baby for about five minutes.

It is now almost a week later, and I have eaten turkey or tuna daily. My body seems to be getting stronger, although I certainly have some roads to travel down ahead. Yesterday was the three year anniversary of my brain surgery. We drove around VT holding hands with heavy hearts. Having the realization that more tests are down the pike and another trip to NYC is in the near future, so we decided we would celebrate by "joy riding", Sean had never been to an organic farm before and never eaten fresh eggs so we decided to pull into a local farm.

Smiling blue eyes peered out from the dark barn. We were welcomed with hearty hand shakes and kindness. As we introduced ourselves Sean took everything in with awe. They told us they had just harvested some fresh organic chickens and eggs about their CSA. They asked us if we ate meat. Sean quickly responded, "YES, we do.. only she just eats lean white meat, mostly turkey.. she was a vegetarian for almost nine years and just started eating meat last week". The farmed almost looked delightfully challenged.. "Well, here now.. look at these birds.. they were just processed this morning! They are all natural".. My heart sank with familiarity.. We listened for awhile and decided to get going. We simply could not afford $ 5.00 for a carton of eggs.

As we were leaving the farmer outstretched his hand and said "Here, please take these..you have never had fresh farm eggs.. try them, they are good.. it will be on us".. We were shocked and thankful. Then he opened the cooler, pulled out an entire chicken and handed it to me "And for you, try this. It is as fresh and natural as anything you could buy and we raised it right here on this farm". I felt my eyes swell up.. (I have been a bit emotional lately). "Thank you I said, you are so very generous".
We walked to the car hand in hand holding a carton of eggs and a "murdered" chicken.. smiling and silent.. As we turned on the ignition, Sean said "I don't know what to say, that was so giving". I said "This is when my mom would say to thank God.. because he was watching out for you."- and so we did.. and tomorrow, I will probably cry a little more, but I will cook a chicken.. and then.. we will eat it, but your damn straight we will have it with a side of Kale, some broccoli, and maybe even a salad.